I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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