last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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