I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
