I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
