please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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