Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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