she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
