We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
