i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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