After last night, I could never be a politician.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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