Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
