I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
