I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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