i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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