You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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