Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's JV to your varsity
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize