whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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