Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
