I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
