found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
