I will die if light touches me.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
