Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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