remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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