I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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