i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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