When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
