Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
