I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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