Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
