I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
