I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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