why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My penis needs a shock collar
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
