ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize