Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
