i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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