Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
