Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
