Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
