worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
