you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
