i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
