I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you will always have a special place in my vag
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
