Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
