I wish I only lived at night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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