Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
