its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
