woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
