my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
