Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
