That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
