So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
