bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
