if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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