i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
false alarm. still invincible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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