It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize