that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
