So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
