omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
