pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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