Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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