First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
