I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
