reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
