I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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