broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
