Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
