Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize