Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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