Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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