There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
