every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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