i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize