as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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