It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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