i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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