She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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